Jolee's rebirth
by Jerrig Tora
Summary: Jolee struggling with his pas errors to make the right decision.


Jolee sits on his armchair deeply meditating on these new events. No movement, his glassy stare constantly fixes a point on the ground. The faint light inside his house cannot show a visitor the rough dark skin of Jolee. He does not receive a lot of guests anyway and nobody but him can admire his interior. Why would anyone visit Kashyyk's darkness? The guy must have a good reason to do it as these newcomers who have just arrived. That strange artifact. Once again. It reminds him of all the events that have marked him. Would he ignore what is going on again? Or shall he move on to prevent them to fail as he did a long time ago?

Failure. He knows what it is. He used to do all wrongly during war against Exar Kun. That is still what he feels. Why didn't he take the right decisions? Yet he had a lot of occasions. So why? This question still haunts him today. He did all he could to protect the one he loved, but as a result it disrupted him more and more. The right decisions? He was sure at that time, even if the Council was against. He was not responsible for falling in love with Nayama, but he knew as every padawan where it can lead him. To know the consequences and to be completely aware of them are two different things, that is what he learned. By loving her he makes her follow the path of the Dark Side and the death. Even now for him that cannot be true. The right decisions? He could not kidnap her to make her love him. That is a bit too much eager and the least he can say. But if it is an exciting life that you wish at most and if you consider love as an exciting experience, every means are good to achieve that. Every means? Jolee is sure now, it is the first step to the Dark Side, because you must sometimes renounce what you desire.

Training her as a Jedi was his mistake. He is certain she had the qualities to become a good Jedi, but he was not prepared to train someone. He is impulsive and generous. That is the reason he decided to smuggle goods to help people and also to train her, because she could help the Jedi. He recognizes it now, he did not have the capacity to train someone. Patience, respect, he did not have them at that epoch. The trees of Kashyyk and his solitude on this wild planet have taught him them. He wonders if he is ready to show the path and possibly to assume his responsibility in case of a fall. Did he not suffer enough, when she fell into the Dark Side, when he had to fight her and was unable to stop her? Yes, certainly but the galaxy cannot be none in his concern anymore. His flight has been too long. The best way to forgive himself is to use his experience to make the others progress. Even if he did not have a second chance with Nayama, he has got it with Revan. That was a sign of the Force.

Revan. He knew this guy would have a great destiny since their first meeting. He was impressed by his maturity, his bond with the Force and how determined he was. He already felt Revan would have needed someone experienced enough to control his eager and his youth, but his personality sort of reminded Jolee of Nayama and he was afraid of failing once again. When Revan took off the planet, he just told him to be careful. This memory is still very sore today. Since he learned how it eventually turned out, he has wished he would have had guts to go along with him. He would have prevented a catastrophe. It was the second time he had taken a wrong decision that had many terrible followings. Why? The Council was very wrong, he thinks. They wanted to reintegrate him and this second failure proves that they were wrong. But a thought disturbs him, a thought that becomes more and more precise. Finally they might be right. If he had behaviored as a Jedi and had helped Revan, this situation would have never happened.

And now they are coming back. Jolee looks at them through the window. Revan is the first still walking with this inner determination, but he has lost the gravity that characterized him once. Jolee finds that normal, he does not know the weight of the war. Will he be so serene, when he knows the truth about his identity? He will need Jolee's support. He cannot let this man take the wrong way. Too many people have suffered and the first one is him. Nearly forty years to forgive himself, he now thinks that it was too long and he is ready to serve the Republic. How? He does not know really but this time he will do all he is able to in order to help Revan. A great adventure, that will be interesting, he is thinking, as he gets off the house to welcome his new guests.


End file.
